Satori - Complicatedly Simple

As I sit here writing this I feel the world as hopeless. Not the hopeless where nothing will ever be accomplished again, but the hopeless where I’m powerless to do anything about it. I see situations around me, and I just want to make them better I want to save them from heart ache, from family drama, from the extraordinary stress of ever day life. I want to be the great escape. I can’t and it’s a hard feeling to deal with. I just want to sweep them away and show them the love and compassion they deserve for being great people.

I had a conversation about “Carpa Diem” seize the day. I want to seize the day, I want to tell them, I love them, and I love what they have overcome, what they are, and where they are going. I want to protect them from what I feel is pointless hardship life throws at us. But, I don’t. I just sit and smile, and listen. It’s something I’ve just learned to do. I guess it’s the easy thing to do, but maybe not the right thing to do. I just don’t want to be a burden. It’s not my life; I’m just a player in their game. Patients, patients you try to have patients when you feel you need to say what’s on your mind. When you enjoy being around someone, when you …

I also woke up this morning with the longing to vanish this loneliness that has overcome me in the past few weeks. I enjoy the company of myself, but the company of other recharges me. The company of … the people I want to be around.

Balance, in my life is something hard to achieve. I either have too much, or too little. Extreme shades of gray. For nothing in life is simple Black or White.

Your choices are half chance, so are everyone else’s .Which puts far more of the control to fate, to destiny, into the realm of the unknown where anything is possible, and nothing is given.

I also guess its moment likes these when I firmly understand that as we play this game we call life, we must play within a set of rule we don’t always know, we never know the outcome, and we rarely know when it’s our turn. We try to plan ahead, to wait patiently for our next turn, and we may have missed a chance completely, One word, some random act, the fact that it rained on Tuesday, may have changed everything.

My life will never be a simple life, but I can wish for something complicatedly simple.
- JJ Ryvers

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