Lost....

Has anyone else in this world wondered why they feel like everyone uses them? I guess its just maybe me? Who know, maybe its my niceness, or my lack of getting really angry about things? Maybe its just cause i'm a fucking sucker? Who know? The thing is. It never just one person I can pin down and blame them for using me. It's normally all my friends, all the people around me. Do I fucking have something written on my forehead? WTF? But, here is my twist, will I ever say anything to anyones face about it? NOPE why cause really its not important enough for that. It just my meaningless rant about shit. I guess I just need to live with this fact. Since I'm on this little rant, what i'm i lacking in this world? Why do I play 2nd to everything? I'm the 2nd friend, the 2nd in relationship, the 2nd in fucking line? I talk so big about wanting to be the center of attention all the time, but normally I was to step outside of the lime light to let someone else shine? Why do I do this? Well this goes back to me just being me. If they really need that lime light, enough to steal my glory I guess they should have it. I will fight for what I want, but when is fighting just to much. Why cant I get the kindness I share back in return? Why cant I find a single soul that understands me? Someone who doesnt want to improve me, change me or make me something I'm not. I dont want to change ppl, I know, I know sometime my advice is to change, but that is advice if you dont change I wont dislike you any less. As stated in an earlier blog if I like you now for who ever you are, then I like you period. So someone out there, maybe a stranger, maybe a new friend, a long lost friend, or maybe one of my closest friends tell me what is so wrong with me, what i'm i doing to let all of you walk on my like a floor mat? Why i'm I single? What i'm i missing? How can i be lonely when I'm suround by ppl? Why does it have to hurt this much, and why is the desire of the sharp warm pain of the crimson elixcer leaking from my body a welcoming feeling?

.... Lost as always!

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