Baron’s Dating Advice - 5 Guys Every Gal Should Date Before Settling Down
5 Guys Every Gal Should Date Before Settling Down
by Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar
So, you want a boyfriend. You're sick of the singles scene and ready to move right past "Go" and settle down with someone who will carry you straight into your happily ever after. Well, hold it right there, Miss Antsy-Pants! Before you go tango into the sunset with Mr. Right, you've got to take a few spins around the dating dance floor with a few Mr. Right Nows. Dating different personality types is the most effective way to find out your likes, dislikes and deal breakers. In fact, spending time with the wrong guys — namely these five — can actually make you a better package when Mr. Fabulous comes along.
Mr. Nice Romantic Guy
He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship, where you're being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he'll call.
Celebrity Counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco
What He'll Teach You: This affectionate man will show you a softer side of our male counterparts (what a relief to have someone fawn over you for a change!), all the while raising your expectations of how you wish to be treated. After realizing that there are guys out there who understand the importance of a random note or kiss in the moonlight, you'll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future.
The Catch: Most of the time these guys are in love with the idea of love. This means they will come on strong but lose momentum in the long haul as the reality of a relationship sets in (i.e., disagreements, uneventful days), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him and enjoy the experience! Just keep a level head while he floats around you.
- Baron's Advice: This is also the type of guys that spend way to much money on things like over priced flowers, bottles of wine that sounds "pretty", and they most likely aren't tigers in bed either. They make fun boyfriends. But, girls be aware that most of the time you will just get bored of being treated like a queen, and want to be treated like the bitch you are… ah sometimes…
Mr. Big Shot
He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly coiffed looks of a man straight out of a lad mag. One look at him in his tailored suit and you're toast — which is exactly why he wears it.
Celebrity Counterparts: Chris Noth as Mr. Big, any Bond
What He'll Teach You: From sending your nether regions to Brazil (Mr. Big Shot doesn't 'do' granny panties) to the proper way to age a Cabernet, you're in for a crash course in the finer way of life. Dinners will be four-star and the conversation will witty. You'll walk from this relationship more sophisticated and well-aware of your own inner vixen.
The Catch: As the 007 of romance, he's going in for the kill. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect it's having on you — and every other girl around him. The odds of this guy slipping out of his suit and into a comfy relationship are low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the smooth ride around the town while it lasts.
- Baron's Advice: Mr Big Shot fucks whatever he want! WHATEVER HE WANTS! He thinks he has the money and power to get out of any situation. Maybe he does… If he is looking at that sexy girl in the corner know that he is building a plan in his head on how to fuck her at some point, or at least get the 2 of you in bed. He believes money buys happiness. Well, for most of you fickle, greedy, self-loathing girls it will…
Mr. Sexy Older Guy
He's old enough to have settled into his skin and has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you late for dinner because he's playing Xbox.
Celebrity Counterparts: Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas
What He'll Teach You: He's got a lifetime of experience to share (in and out of the bedroom), which will likely keep you on your toes (and curling them, too!). Plus, he'll show you how to see life in a different way. No matter how long it lasts or how it ends, you'll walk away worldlier — and will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay again.
The Catch: Despite what Demi and Ashton might say, age is more than a number. If you are just starting to get comfortable in your skin and he's shed his several times, there is a good chance you'll have issues with long-term compatibility. Sure, he's hot now, but how will you feel in 10 years? Give one another a thrill, and then move onto someone you both can relate to.
-Baron's Advice: Dirty OLD Man. Are you enjoying fucking a daddy figure? "Will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay" That's because the sex is so short, he has to make it up someplace else. He has to wait for the Viagra to kick in before he can roll around in the sheets. He might be sexy now, but think about it, you mom thought this dude was hot before you were ever born.
Mr. Man's Man
He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his eyebrows.
Celebrity Counterparts: Frank Sinatra, Russell Crowe
What He'll teach you: This rough rogue will have you relishing in your femininity like no other. Why? There is something about raw masculinity that brings out the damsel in all of us. Dating this bruiser will show you how fun it can be when he shows you who the man is (think Rhett Butler when he scooped Scarlett up those stairs!). Dating him will do one of two things: make you squeal with delight or appreciate your ability and right to wear the pants sometimes. Regardless, be sure to play Scarlett at least once — trust us!
The Catch: You're dying to be wined and dined but he's already made plans to meet you down at the pub. This is the guy who gets inspired by Braveheart and cries only "out of frustration." He's also prone to affairs… with his favorite sports teams. Oh, and forget about asking him to hold your purse while you do anything — he wouldn't dare.
- Baron's Advice: These guys can be labeled into 2 categories. Asshole and Losers. Let's begin with the latter. Losers; these guys want to hung out with their buddies all the time, call you their ball and chain, and smack your ass during sex and tell you they think the red hand mark on your ass is hot. Beer, Sports, and Friends come firsts. Bro's before Ho's Asshole; these dicks wear different hats, ( well not in bed they think rubber doesn't feel right, and say birth control is the woman responsibility ) These asshole will fuck you, your friends, your mom, and you younger sister if they have the chance. Threesomes are expected and you better not want to cuddle when he gets off, "bitch, I need another beer, and where is the fucking remote." Ahh. See what you have to look forward too.
Mr. Fun Social Guy
Whether he's out with friends or meeting the family for brunch, one thing's for certain: He's going to be the life of the party.
Celebrity Counterparts: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn
What He'll Teach You: There is something very attractive about a man who's always ready to have a good time. You'll laugh a lot and learn how to go with the flow and let things slide. These types are often quite spontaneous, which means you should be ready for anything from a quickie to a quick dash to Vegas.
The Catch: Most people are social because they like the company of others, but Fun Social Guys are social because they love to be the center of attention — and they love the excitement of something new. This poses an issue for long-term loves because A) who wants to be an audience member 24/7, and B) let's face it, relationships can get dull at times — what will he do then? Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, but don't be afraid to walk away to more stable ground.
- Baron's Advice: It's a party like its 1999 every fucking day in your house. After work he will bring home friends to party, he will party and party and party some more. If the party slows, he will be on the phone setting something up. Trips to Vegas, trips to Spain, but you'll notices the trips to the bedroom will start getting less and less. Until you are lying their with spider webs in your snatch. If you want to live the social life, you either need to plan on making your own girls gone wild video, or invest in you industrial powered vibrator.
Don't kill the messenger. This is just how I see it. And the Baron is rarely wrong!
Turn off, Wake Up, Log In!
The Baron
by Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar
So, you want a boyfriend. You're sick of the singles scene and ready to move right past "Go" and settle down with someone who will carry you straight into your happily ever after. Well, hold it right there, Miss Antsy-Pants! Before you go tango into the sunset with Mr. Right, you've got to take a few spins around the dating dance floor with a few Mr. Right Nows. Dating different personality types is the most effective way to find out your likes, dislikes and deal breakers. In fact, spending time with the wrong guys — namely these five — can actually make you a better package when Mr. Fabulous comes along.
Mr. Nice Romantic Guy
He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship, where you're being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he'll call.
Celebrity Counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco
What He'll Teach You: This affectionate man will show you a softer side of our male counterparts (what a relief to have someone fawn over you for a change!), all the while raising your expectations of how you wish to be treated. After realizing that there are guys out there who understand the importance of a random note or kiss in the moonlight, you'll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future.
The Catch: Most of the time these guys are in love with the idea of love. This means they will come on strong but lose momentum in the long haul as the reality of a relationship sets in (i.e., disagreements, uneventful days), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him and enjoy the experience! Just keep a level head while he floats around you.
- Baron's Advice: This is also the type of guys that spend way to much money on things like over priced flowers, bottles of wine that sounds "pretty", and they most likely aren't tigers in bed either. They make fun boyfriends. But, girls be aware that most of the time you will just get bored of being treated like a queen, and want to be treated like the bitch you are… ah sometimes…
Mr. Big Shot
He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly coiffed looks of a man straight out of a lad mag. One look at him in his tailored suit and you're toast — which is exactly why he wears it.
Celebrity Counterparts: Chris Noth as Mr. Big, any Bond
What He'll Teach You: From sending your nether regions to Brazil (Mr. Big Shot doesn't 'do' granny panties) to the proper way to age a Cabernet, you're in for a crash course in the finer way of life. Dinners will be four-star and the conversation will witty. You'll walk from this relationship more sophisticated and well-aware of your own inner vixen.
The Catch: As the 007 of romance, he's going in for the kill. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect it's having on you — and every other girl around him. The odds of this guy slipping out of his suit and into a comfy relationship are low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the smooth ride around the town while it lasts.
- Baron's Advice: Mr Big Shot fucks whatever he want! WHATEVER HE WANTS! He thinks he has the money and power to get out of any situation. Maybe he does… If he is looking at that sexy girl in the corner know that he is building a plan in his head on how to fuck her at some point, or at least get the 2 of you in bed. He believes money buys happiness. Well, for most of you fickle, greedy, self-loathing girls it will…
Mr. Sexy Older Guy
He's old enough to have settled into his skin and has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you late for dinner because he's playing Xbox.
Celebrity Counterparts: Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas
What He'll Teach You: He's got a lifetime of experience to share (in and out of the bedroom), which will likely keep you on your toes (and curling them, too!). Plus, he'll show you how to see life in a different way. No matter how long it lasts or how it ends, you'll walk away worldlier — and will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay again.
The Catch: Despite what Demi and Ashton might say, age is more than a number. If you are just starting to get comfortable in your skin and he's shed his several times, there is a good chance you'll have issues with long-term compatibility. Sure, he's hot now, but how will you feel in 10 years? Give one another a thrill, and then move onto someone you both can relate to.
-Baron's Advice: Dirty OLD Man. Are you enjoying fucking a daddy figure? "Will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay" That's because the sex is so short, he has to make it up someplace else. He has to wait for the Viagra to kick in before he can roll around in the sheets. He might be sexy now, but think about it, you mom thought this dude was hot before you were ever born.
Mr. Man's Man
He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his eyebrows.
Celebrity Counterparts: Frank Sinatra, Russell Crowe
What He'll teach you: This rough rogue will have you relishing in your femininity like no other. Why? There is something about raw masculinity that brings out the damsel in all of us. Dating this bruiser will show you how fun it can be when he shows you who the man is (think Rhett Butler when he scooped Scarlett up those stairs!). Dating him will do one of two things: make you squeal with delight or appreciate your ability and right to wear the pants sometimes. Regardless, be sure to play Scarlett at least once — trust us!
The Catch: You're dying to be wined and dined but he's already made plans to meet you down at the pub. This is the guy who gets inspired by Braveheart and cries only "out of frustration." He's also prone to affairs… with his favorite sports teams. Oh, and forget about asking him to hold your purse while you do anything — he wouldn't dare.
- Baron's Advice: These guys can be labeled into 2 categories. Asshole and Losers. Let's begin with the latter. Losers; these guys want to hung out with their buddies all the time, call you their ball and chain, and smack your ass during sex and tell you they think the red hand mark on your ass is hot. Beer, Sports, and Friends come firsts. Bro's before Ho's Asshole; these dicks wear different hats, ( well not in bed they think rubber doesn't feel right, and say birth control is the woman responsibility ) These asshole will fuck you, your friends, your mom, and you younger sister if they have the chance. Threesomes are expected and you better not want to cuddle when he gets off, "bitch, I need another beer, and where is the fucking remote." Ahh. See what you have to look forward too.
Mr. Fun Social Guy
Whether he's out with friends or meeting the family for brunch, one thing's for certain: He's going to be the life of the party.
Celebrity Counterparts: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn
What He'll Teach You: There is something very attractive about a man who's always ready to have a good time. You'll laugh a lot and learn how to go with the flow and let things slide. These types are often quite spontaneous, which means you should be ready for anything from a quickie to a quick dash to Vegas.
The Catch: Most people are social because they like the company of others, but Fun Social Guys are social because they love to be the center of attention — and they love the excitement of something new. This poses an issue for long-term loves because A) who wants to be an audience member 24/7, and B) let's face it, relationships can get dull at times — what will he do then? Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, but don't be afraid to walk away to more stable ground.
- Baron's Advice: It's a party like its 1999 every fucking day in your house. After work he will bring home friends to party, he will party and party and party some more. If the party slows, he will be on the phone setting something up. Trips to Vegas, trips to Spain, but you'll notices the trips to the bedroom will start getting less and less. Until you are lying their with spider webs in your snatch. If you want to live the social life, you either need to plan on making your own girls gone wild video, or invest in you industrial powered vibrator.
Don't kill the messenger. This is just how I see it. And the Baron is rarely wrong!
Turn off, Wake Up, Log In!
The Baron
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