If you just walked away, what could I really say? Would matter anyway?

There are moment, fleeting moments, moments of time when writing a grand love letter feels right, writing the words on a coloured piece of parchment. I put the pencil to the paper Im overwhelmed by a feeling of grief and I must stop. Its the memories of the past, and the memories of a future no longer had. Its the rainy gray day, the kind when the world feels numb. Its these days that draw these love letters from the depth of my mind. It is also these days that restrict me from making these thoughts public. Trying to never let the What If consume my every thought I retreat to the comforts of the bottle, comforts of ordinary, the typical, the stale.

Lonely moments overcome me without warning. I, being a true loner, do wonder how do you get that lonely, that your own self worth is not worth much. It moments like this that remind me. I am pondering if Im in this current state of being due to my own neglect. If I would have said I love you, once more often. Smile more, turned back when I walk away? Would there be such tragic ending? I guess its just another story I tell myself to get me through the tough days.

Is it the darkness that hides in the shadows of my blue eye, is it the mystery of my being that draw you near, but also scares you away. Do I need to learn to feel less? May it be the feeling under the stars, passion glowing brightly in my eyes or My neatly planned unbalance of youthfulness and wisdom.

Ever rainstorm, must I stand alone? With the lightening striking around me, thunder roaring in my ears, must I live this adventure singularly. Is this journey a solo mission? Its that moment, the perfect moment the cloud parting moment standing so close to feel the aura, close enough to whisper my hearts desire knowing that it kills me, killing me to breathe you in. Are you here to remind me of what I will never have, of what I will never have... Ill Never
The last question to be ask, why do all my fairy tale, have such tragic endings?